If you’re the parent of two or more kids, chances are you’ve had to deal with some sibling rivalry.

It’s perfectly normal for siblings to compete with each other, but when it starts to get out of hand, it’s time to take action.

It can start as early as when children are toddlers and can last well into adulthood.

It can be a source of stress and conflict for parents and children alike.

Although it is normal for siblings to quarrel occasionally, there are ways to minimize the conflict and prevent it from getting out of hand.

By following these tips, you can help your children get along better and reduce the amount of conflict in your family.

What is sibling rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or hostility that exists between siblings. It is a common phenomenon in nearly all families and can be a source of great frustration for parents.

Although it is most often seen between brothers and sisters, it can also occur between siblings of the same gender.

Sibling rivalry usually begins when children are around two years old and can continue throughout childhood and into adolescence.

As children learn to assert their independence, they may become more competitive with their siblings.

The causes of sibling rivalry

Birth order

Sibling rivalry is a common occurrence in many families. It is often thought to be caused by the competition for attention from parents.

However, birth order is also a major cause of sibling rivalry. First-born children are used to being the center of attention and may feel threatened when a new baby arrives.

They may become jealous of the attention their parents give the new baby and try to compete for it. This can lead to arguments and fights between siblings.

Gender

Sibling rivalry is generally thought to be caused by competition for the attention of parents.

However, research has shown that other factors contribute to this phenomenon. One of these is gender.

Studies have shown that siblings of the same gender are more likely to experience rivalry than those of the opposite gender.

This is because of the competitive nature of siblings vying for parental resources and attention.

Socialization practices that encourage competition among siblings for limited resources such as time, love, and attention can create an environment in which rivalry is more likely to occur. 

Additionally, gender can play a role in sibling rivalry, as parents may inadvertently compare children of different genders or hold different expectations for them.

This can lead to feelings of jealousy and competition between siblings.

Personality

Personality is a cause of sibling rivalry because it can influence how children interact with and react to one another.

For example, if one child is more outgoing and the other is shyer, they may be less likely to get along and may compete for attention.

Additionally, siblings may have different temperament types which can also lead to conflict.

For example, one child may be more sensitive and emotional while the other is more easygoing, leading to disagreements.

Parental treatment

Parental treatment is one of the critical causes of sibling rivalry. The way that parents interact with their children can have a big impact on how siblings interact with each other. 

If parents favor one child over another, or if they constantly compare their children to each other, it can create a lot of tension between siblings.

Additionally, if parents do not provide enough attention and love to all of their children, it can also lead to rivalry.

How To Fix Sibling Rivalry For Good

Treat kids fairly — not equally

Equal treatment would be if both children were given the same amount of candy. Fair treatment would be if each child was given what they wanted based on their preference.

This teaches kids that they are not always going to get what they want and that sometimes they have to compromise.

It also shows them that their parents are willing to listen to them and take their feelings into account.

Give children problem-solving tools

Sibling rivalry is a common problem in many families. But it doesn’t have to be a permanent fixture in your family dynamic.

Giving children the tools to solve problems on their own can help them to get along better and end the fighting for good.

Many siblings fight because they feel like they are competing for their parent’s attention.

If you can give them other ways to get that attention, they will be less likely to fight.

Make punishments private

When it comes to sibling rivalry, one important factor to consider is the role of punishment.

All too often, punishments are doled out in a public manner, which can only serve to heighten tensions between siblings.

Instead, if punishments are meted out privately, this can help to diffuse the situation and allow for more constructive resolutions.

In terms of making punishments private, there are a few different ways this can be accomplished.

One way to make punishments private is to use a behavior chart. This will allow you to keep track of your child’s behavior and give them a specific consequence for each infraction. 

Another way to make punishments private is to use a time-out system. This will allow you to remove your child from the situation and have them take a break. 

Finally, you can use a reward system. This will allow you to give your child positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Listen

When it comes to sibling rivalry, parents play a pivotal role in terms of influencing how their children interact with one another.

This means being attentive to what your children are saying and trying to understand their perspectives.

It’s also important to avoid taking sides in arguments and instead remain neutral.

By doing so, you can help diffuse tense situations and encourage your children to resolve conflicts on their own.

Celebrate individuality

This can be done by praising each child for their unique talents and qualities, and by providing opportunities for them to explore their interests.

It is also important to avoid comparisons between siblings and to provide equal attention and love to each child.

When siblings feel that they are valued as individuals, they are less likely to feel jealous or competitive toward one another.

Stay calm, quiet, and in control

By remaining calm, quiet, and in control, you can provide a positive example for your children to follow.

Additionally, by taking the time to listen to each child’s perspective and address their individual needs, you can help foster a more harmonious relationship between siblings.

Set limits

When children are growing up, parents need to set limits to help reduce sibling rivalry.

By setting limits, parents can help teach their children how to resolve conflicts and get along with each other.

Additionally, limits can help prevent siblings from fighting over things like toys or attention.

If parents take the time to set limits and enforce them consistently, it can go a long way in helping to reduce sibling rivalry.

Promote gender sensitiveness to reduce sibling rivalry

Gender sensitivity is the awareness of the different ways men and women are socialized and the importance of gender roles.

It can help fix sibling rivalry by teaching children that both genders are equal and that there are no set roles for them to follow.

This can help reduce friction between siblings and create a more harmonious relationship.

Model Healthy Conflict Resolution

By teaching children how to resolve conflicts constructively, they will be more likely to use these skills when dealing with their siblings.

This can help to reduce the amount of fighting and bickering between siblings, and ultimately make life more harmonious for everyone in the family.

Teach Calming Strategies

By teaching your children some calming strategies, you can help them get along better and reduce the amount of fighting.

Here are some tips to get you started

1. Teach your children how to take turns and share. This will help them avoid arguments over who gets to play with the toy first or gets the biggest piece of cake.

2. Help them learn to express their feelings in words, instead of resorting to hitting or yelling. This will help them communicate better and understand each other’s perspectives.

3. Encourage them to cooperate, instead of always trying to one-up each other. This will teach them that it’s more fun to work together than to compete all the time.

Minimize sibling rivalry by minimizing comparisons

Start by examining your behavior. Are you guilty of comparing your children to each other? If so, stop.

It’s only natural for parents to want their children to succeed, but pitting them against each other is not the way to do it.

Instead, focus on each child’s strengths and accomplishments.

It’s also important to encourage sibling bonding time. Make sure there are opportunities for siblings to spend time together doing things they enjoy.

This can help them develop a stronger relationship with each other and reduce competition.

Ask the children to suggest some solutions

Asking the children to suggest some solutions can be a great way to get them involved in finding a resolution.

This will help them feel like they have a say in the matter and could potentially prevent future arguments.

Here are a few ideas to get you started

• Encourage communication

Make sure the lines of communication are open between siblings so they can voice their concerns without fear of retribution. This will help them understand each other’s perspectives and hopefully lead to more compromise.f

• Set rules and consequences

Having set rules in place will help discourage negative behavior.

FAQ

How can I prevent sibling rivalry from happening?

There’s no surefire way to prevent sibling rivalry, but there are some things you can do to lessen the chances of it happening.

One is to try to spend equal amounts of time with each child. This can be difficult, but it’s important to try to give them each the attention they need.

Another is to avoid comparing them to each other. This can fuel rivalry and make one child feel like they’re not good enough.

What are some ways to resolve sibling rivalry?

1. Encourage positive relationships between siblings. This can be done by praising them when they get along and spending time together as a family.

2. Help them understand and empathize with each other. This can be done by talking about their feelings and teaching them how to communicate effectively.

3. Set clear rules and expectations. This will help them know what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

What can I do to stop sibling rivalry from ruining our relationship?

1. Set clear boundaries with your siblings and stick to them.

2. Communicate openly and honestly with each other.

3. Avoid comparisons and competition.

4. Be supportive of each other.

5. Respect each other’s differences.

What are some common causes of sibling rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is a common phenomenon in families with more than one child.

It is characterized by competition, jealousy, and resentment between siblings.

Common causes of sibling rivalry include differences in personality, age, and gender. Sibling rivalry is often exacerbated by parental favoritism or unequal treatment of siblings.

How can I reduce the intensity of sibling rivalry?

—Encourage your children to express their feelings to each other in a constructive way.

—Teach them how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

—Make sure each child feels loved and valued.

—Set clear rules and expectations for behavior, and enforce them consistently.

—Avoid comparing your children to each other.

Why do older siblings hate younger siblings?

There can be many reasons why an older sibling might hate a younger one.

Maybe the older sibling feels like they are always being compared to the younger one, or that their parents are always favoring the younger sibling.

Maybe the younger sibling is always causing trouble and making the older one look bad.

Or maybe the older sibling is just naturally jealous and resentful of anyone who comes after them.

How can I improve my sibling relationship?

1. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy. This can help you bond and create shared memories.

2. Talk openly and honestly with each other. This can help you better understand and support each other.

3. Be patient and forgiving with each other.