Many people have heard of Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love”.
These five languages are Physical touch, Gift giving, and Quality time. Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.
Although we all want them all, there are some things that are more important than others.
You may enjoy gifts but you need quality time.
While you may be able to appreciate affirmations and words of encouragement, physical touch is an important part of who we are.
Understanding the 5 Love Languages is crucial.
These things can help you save a lot of time and heartache. How? Let’s suppose your partner is a tactile person.
They love being held. They want it. This is the love language that you and your partner may not realize.
You may not be interested in physical touch and believe that your partner is just needy.
You’ll likely voice your opinion that they will receive it when you have enough time.
They will begin to feel inferior, even though they know this is their love language. They cannot help it.
You may not be able to understand your partner’s love language and try to satisfy them in areas that don’t register.
If your partner’s love language is quality time, and all you have is a gift for them, they won’t appreciate it as much if they don’t get to spend time with you.
How to implement the 5 Love Languages
1. Gift giving
- Listen, wait then do.
This is something my spouse and I do all the time. Listen to what the other likes or wants, then we’ll wait until it’s unexpected.
Then we’ll head to the store and buy it. We’ll surprise them when it arrives at their door or in our hands.
It’s great to see their reactions and appreciation that you thought of them when you bought the item they requested.
This makes them feel valued and shows that you care.
- Place an order
This is not about ordering online. Pay attention to what they both like and dislike when you go out for dinner.
Surprise them by taking them to their favorite restaurant and ordering for them. Make sure you keep it secret.
You can either order when they aren’t there or tell the waiter.
It’ll surprise them and they will be delighted to receive the delicious burger or Thai meal they have been wanting.
- Save Up
You have two options if your partner wants expensive things. You can first set aside money for each paycheck until your budget allows you to buy the item.
Although this may seem daunting, you can begin by taking out small amounts and gradually increasing the amount.
This can be done in secret to surprise them with what they have been waiting for.
You can also do it together. Both of you can bond as your savings move closer to the goal. This is a great way to show your love and support.
2. Physical Touch
- For no Reason
Doing something for someone for no reason is the best way to show that you care.
It doesn’t matter if you were asked or hinted at to hold their hand, hug them or hold them.
You just did it. This lets them know you want to be there for them and meet their physical needs.
- Make Time for the Handhold
Hand holding is a common thing couples do together. However, it often gets forgotten after the first few months of marriage or dating.
If they are the ones who instigate hand-holding, you might want to make the effort to do it yourself.
Grab their hand, no matter if you’re in a car or at the mall.
- Prolonged hugs
You can make that hug a hold, whether you’re bringing your husband or wife home, or if you’re just meeting up for a casual date.
As you hug, make sure to keep stuck in that pose. They’ll feel like you missed them and most importantly value every second with them.
- The Small Things
You should look for ways to make physical contact with them.
You can make small gestures to show your appreciation for them, whether it’s at the movies when you wrap your arm around their neck or if your leg is just against theirs.
3. Quality Time
- Take your time
Sometimes, when couples decide to spend time together, it could all go wrong on the part of one of them. They end up taking their partner to places they themselves like or doing things they enjoy.
Their partner may not be interested in the idea. To make it a true love act, you will need to do something they enjoy.
If you have been with them for some time or even a very short time, you will probably be familiar with their interests and hobbies.
You can help them organize an outing, or join in on something that they are already doing.
This lets them know you are interested in spending time with them, and that you are willing to put in the effort.
- Find common ground
Sometimes two people may not share the same interests.
You may both like some things, such as Christmas, but you don’t really have anything in common besides that.
This is the time you can explore hobbies and other activities together. You can both start to watch new shows and play games that you’ve never seen or played before.
You can decide to tour some places in your town and find hidden gems. Find a way to encourage quality time with your partner.
4. Acts of Service
- Do Their Work for them
It’s easy to show service by doing what your partner thinks is theirs to do around the house.
They will feel the love when they see that you have washed their car, fixed the doors, or run that errand that they didn’t want to do.
- Take it in your hands
Your partner has been working hard all week so they don’t have the time to pay the bill, call their insurance company, or schedule a doctor’s visit.
You can take care of it. You can help them by taking on certain tasks. You can expect them to be thankful if acts of service are their most important love language.
- Go the extra mile
It’s great if you promise to do something and then you actually do it. You can make your actions more meaningful as acts of love by going the extra mile.
You can say that you will do the dishes tonight, but then you should also do the dishes and clean the next room.
Be realistic and don’t promise too much. Just do the job you promised and go beyond. Let them see the results of your work.
5. Words Of Affirmation
- Tell them what they need to hear, and then move on
We are often told to tell our partners that we love them every single day. This helps us feel connected and cared about in our relationships.
Let your partner know that you are understanding if they are having a difficult time at work. Let them know why it is important to you.
Tell them they are important and that you care about them. Let them know why they are handsome or beautiful if they are struggling to feel attractive.
They won’t doubt you or think you’re saying it to make them feel better.
- Be truthful
We can easily tell ourselves we are stupid for making mistakes, or that it is impossible to do what we love. You should begin to speak out and break the silence.
Open communication is important. If you realize your partner is telling a lie, tell them that the truth is more important.
Let them know your side (how you’re not angry) so that they don’t feel guilty for making a mistake, lose heart about what they love, or feel defeated. Tell them the truth.